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Comedy

Trivia games that only exist in the mind

I once wrote a bunch of questions and host banter for some non-existent trivia games. Just for fun. Really.

Trivia questions

1. It’s illegal to kill Bigfoot in the state of Washington. Where is it TOTALLY LEGAL to kill Bigfoot?

  1. Nebraska

  2. Maine

  3. Texas (correct answer)

  4. Florida

2. Which of these mouth-watering quotes was uttered by astronomer and physicist Carl Sagan?

  1. “Energy is liberated matter, matter is pizza waiting to happen.”

  2. “To understand meatloaf is to understand all physics.”

  3. “A physicist is just a milkshake’s way of looking at itself.”

  4. “If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” (correct answer)

3. If I want people to compare my physique to an old-fashioned laundry tool for some reason, which muscle should I exercise?

  1. Gluteus maximus

  2. External oblique (correct answer)

  3. Trapezius

  4. Latissimus dorsi

Host intros

  1. Hello and welcome to Topsy Flopsy! I hope you brought your A-game today because the loser has to pay off my student loan debt.

  2. Hi, I’m Rufus Tiredshirt. And if you can hear me, please send help. I’ve been kidnapped and I think my captors just said they only have decaf.

  3. Hello there, I’m Biz Showford. Well look at this handsome devil right here. Yeah that’s right, I’m talking about you. Do you like looking at yourself in the mirror and complimenting yourself, too? Yeah, I bet you do.

  4. Hello, I’m Tana Banana, and I need everyone to look under their seat right now—I think I lost my wallet.

  5. Hiya, I’m Gulp Harris, and I survive on a diet of peach juice and social media hot takes. I just read a bunch of incisive tweets about the canned fruit industry and I am STUFFED.

  6. Hello! I’m Kitty Saskatchewan. My other car is my house. 

  7. Hey it’s Flizzard Caraway, your host. There are only two things in this world I don’t know. Don’t ask me what they are. I just told you I don’t know!

  8. Hello and welcome to Fozzle! I hope you’re ready, because the airlocks will depressurize in three… two…

  9. Hello! My name is Ronnie Donnie, and this is Which Of Those Is Which Of These? I like to limit my clothes to a capsule wardrobe, which means I only wear things I found in a time capsule in my back yard.

  10. Hey, it’s Haridy Flaherty here. If you think all your devices are listening to you, well they’re not. But I am. Tell me, what’s up?

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